“Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the breast, and is forced to multiply its strength.” – Ovid (Roman Poet)
We live in a culture that does not readily welcome or openly acknowledge grief as an inherent, natural part of life. As a result, we often grieve and suffer alone, or tend to go to great lengths to avoid feeling or showing the painful side of grief.
Many of us have difficulty knowing how to be fully present with the various emotions of grief (sadness, fear, anger, guilt, regret, helplessness), both in ourselves as well as in others.
The overwhelming nature of profound grief can make the experience deeply challenging to face, especially alone, and yet turning to others can feel further isolating, if compassion or patience is lacking. Often, the griever is left feeling judged by others and/or judging themselves if their grief journey doesn’t match societal etiquette or lasts longer than the societal norm/expectations.
It doesn’t have to be this way. We, as individuals and as a society, can and must do better for those who are grieving. We begin by not avoiding the discomfort of our own pain, by not shying away from other’s grief emotions, by developing the courage to turn towards and offering companionship and bear witness to other’s suffering.
Grief can be experienced due to various types of losses, such as:
- Death of a loved one
- Terminal illness/failing health
- Systemic racism and repression
- Boundary violation of trust and safety
- Relationship endings such as divorce/breakup
Other important, but less acknowledged losses are:
- Disenfranchised loss (discrimination, infertility/miscarriage, abortion, etc.)
- Loss of identity or innocence
- Loss of culture or community
- Job loss
- Loss of dreams
Whether you’re feeling raw grief from a recent loss or finally ready to face unresolved, complicated grief, or traumatic grief from long ago, my goal is to provide gentle guidance towards befriending difficult emotions. Building your own capacity to be present while facing distressing experiences provide the necessary movement towards adapting to the reality of what is. What helps to face the pain is knowing that we pay a heavy price from suppressed psychological pain.
Everyone’s grief experience is different. A person may be able to continue their day-to-day routine after one loss, yet not be able to get out of bed after another. Whatever kind of loss you’ve had to endure, grief and bereavement counseling have been proven to help.