“Sustaining relationships with others requires a good relationship to ourselves. Healthy self-esteem is an internal sense of worth that pulls one neither into ‘better than’ grandiosity nor ‘less than’ shame.” — Terry Real
“When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness…” ― Sue Johnson
Being in a romantic relationship and building a life together have the potential to provide some of the greatest joys and meaningful experiences, and yet it can also be the source of repeated conflicts, terrible suffering, heartache and loneliness.
It is within our closest relationships that we may be most triggered and become stuck in unhealthy patterns. Our unfinished business from previous partnerships and/or family dynamics tends to show up with all its colorful history and complexity, right in the middle of the relationship between you and the person you love. These cycles can slowly chip away tenderness and safety and, over time, erode the deeper love and connection.
Relational intimacy is founded on mutuality of love, care, respect, kindness, and both individual’s healthy sense of self. But it also requires actively showing up and paying attention, communicating, boundary setting, and being responsive to the relational needs of the moment.
Being relationally-aware helps partners to recognize how they engage on a regular basis (towards mundane to bigger things) directly influences their sense of connection. Maintaining a birds-eye view of the impact that ordinary interactions have on the long-term quality and status of the relationship is hugely important. It will help you to mind the way you show up now, so you’re not left wondering, “What happened to our relationship?”
I would love to help you and your partner reconnect and rekindle your love and care for one another, and help you develop relational skills so that you can better navigate the connections and disconnections that all relationships go through.